Stone tablet reveals ancient first attempt at a Magic Quadrant report

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Was Moses the Godfather of Gartner ?

Archaeologists have uncovered evidence pointing to a lesser known community of analysts dating as far back as 150BC.

In a hurried announcement Eric Statler and fellow boffin Montague Mason said they were investigating ancient ruins near Easter Island when they came across something that looked out of place. When they eventually unearthed the stones in full they revealed what appeared to be a report of some kind, written in Sumerian cuneiform.

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Mostly gibberish.

“When Montague saw the writing he almost choked. Immediately he tried to translate it,” said Eric, “but at once he realised it was mostly gibberish.”

However, on closer examination of the finding both Eric and Montague understood it to be an early comparison of some sort between rival suppliers to the ruling leader of the region at the time. From what they could fathom it was a very basic analysis of the speed and resources each supplier claimed. “You could say that this stone tablet was the forerunner to many modern IT analyst reports” said Montague.

However, it wasn’t just the stone report that confirmed their initial suspicions. A further examination of the surrounding area where the tablets were buried revealed what Eric claims is proof of an extremely early ‘Magic Quadrant’.

Abandoned attempt. They knew back then it was foolhardy.

Abandoned attempt. They knew back then it was foolhardy.

“It’s clear they tried to categorise these suppliers and plot them against a points-based scale but it failed and they gave up.” said Montague, “Clearly they were more progressive and intelligent than today’s firms and understood there was little value in it.”

The Gartner Archaeological Society was unavailable for comment. Both Eric and Montague deny being funded by a rival analyst firm.

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